I know the title of this post is pretty deep. But I felt the need to write about it. This post is for anyone who has gone through a breakup, and also anyone who has been disappointed about having certain promises (either man made or God given promises) or expectations unmet at the present time. You are highly encouraged to grab your favorite drink and enjoy this post with it!!
Even though I have been single and haven’t gone out on dates (personal choice) since 2011, I have some experience in the relationship department and have a lot of experience in the department of overcoming rejection.
Just to give you some background information, before being a Christian, I didn’t know of the importance of guarding my heart and I didn’t know my body had worth and value in God’s eyes, I didn’t know I could choose to honor God with my body, I didn’t learn to express romantic love without physical attention and physical touch. So I have done the friends with benefits thing, I have had sex with my ex boyfriends, and I have also tried to stop having sex with my last boyfriend when we were in a relationship, it was very challenging, but that decision made me notice that it was hard for both to not express love towards each other without being physical. I made that decision on the same month that I accepted Christ in my heart, in April 2011, and a month after, I chose to break up with him, because we weren’t a good match for each other.
Was the break-up difficult to overcome? Of course! But what was more difficult was healing from my past relationships, my old and learned mindset, and letting go of my mindset that the man I am in a relationship with needs to meet my expectations and make me happy. I still would appreciate a man like that, but I know we make mistakes, sometimes forget, sometimes sin or struggle with bad habits and patterns, so I can’t expect a man to meet all my expectations, all of the time. The only one who can really meet my need to feel loved, accepted, and nurtured, every single day, is God. Think about it, human beings get tired, get busy with work, can’t be at different places at the same time, have bills to pay, and have mortal bodies. We can’t expect a significant other to meet our need to be loved, every single day.
It took me at least 6 months to be partially healed from my last relationship and about a year to heal completely. We were dating for a year. I’m sure different people heal differently.
According to the merriam-webster dictionary, the verb “to heal” means to become healthy or well again, and to restore to original purity or integrity. In my own words, I would describe healing as a time when you can think, act, and feel as if what happened doesn’t matter anymore, nor does it affect our attitude, will, nor actions.
I can easily tell when a person has overcome a break up, a disappointment, or a rejection situation. I believe God has given me his grace and insight as I have gone through break ups, disappointments, and rejection. And yes, I am not lying, the reason why I have felt rejected so many times, is because it’s been hard for me to accept and be okay with the fact that I need to respect that other people that I might like (either in a romantic or in a family/friendship sort of way) might not feel the same way about me. They might be going through stuff, or maybe I had my walls up to guard my heart, or maybe we are too different.
Side note, this post is going over rejection more than break up! But they are related.
I think that when a person has gone through some break ups in life, there is a need to overcome and heal from rejection as well. We cannot expect everyone to accept us the way we are, we can’t expect different people to like our decisions. Above it all, we can’t expect people to take the place of God.
God accepts us all the time, and since he created us, I believe that he really like us just the way he made us. As a woman, I like to take good care of my health, even though there are some busy weeks and months in my life where I delay taking care of my health, I still get to do it. As a woman, I also notice that I can spend an hour looking at the mini deficiencies in my face (due to lack of good care and food choices from my part) and finding ways on youtube of how to make my hair more beautiful and healthy. That’s part of taking good care of our physical health.
But how about our emotional health? How well do you take care of healing from your last break up or your last rejection situation? Have you ever felt that you are not good enough when nobody likes your social media posts, or when nobody compliments your new wardrobe? I know it sounds so superficial. Have you ever felt that you need someone to value and appreciate you in order to feel good enough? I know I have. But when we spend too much time on what has been created on earth, we don’t focus on heavenly purposes and matters.
I am writing because I have tried different things in the past, even self-help books, and exercising more (which is great), and even counseling to fill up the parts in my soul that were confused and hurt, but no methods can compare to knowing God. You have to try it to know it. Just like how you have to try clothes to know which ones meet your needs. But God is really much deeper than clothes, of course.
Friends, I’m writing because I want you to wake up. You can keep trying to cling more to your current romantic relationships (or fantasies about it) to feel good enough, or you can cling to what feels comfortable to you that keeps expanding on this earth, but it won’t fill your needs to be fully accepted. God created you, so unique!! that it is hard to find someone out there that will like every single thing about you, including your bad habits, and not give you constructive feedback about it. Even God would give you constructive feedback, BUT, what is the difference?
The difference is that God created us to need him more than we need each other. When we realize this, we will be better at accepting people’s particular ways and weird(or interesting) patterns and personalities.
Let’s look at the word of God. “You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for you created all things, And by ‘Your will they exist and were created” (Revelation 4:11, NKJV).
The word “will,” as a noun, means “a strong desire or determination to do something; a person’s choice or desire in a particular situation.” Do you see it? That it was God’s desire, determination, and choice to create you. It is part of his desire that you exist on earth today. The verb “exist” during the above scripture is in presence tense, which means that this is applicable today, that verse is applicable for you, today!!!
I hope that you let God heal you from your last break up, unmet expectations, rejection, and even fear of rejection. He chooses how to heal you, and he is gentle and patience with the process!!! For me, it was a progressive healing. He used his presence, his words, his dreams, worship songs, and his creation to heal me. I believe the Lord also used different, various, and very uncomfortable situations to show me that only He can fill my need to be accepted. You might or might not know what those situations are, to make this post as brief as possible, I’m just going to say that the Lord likes to shape our hearts through difficult situations, for me, it’s been through rejection situations during different work environments, church settings, and through family members. I have been in many settings where my culture, my spiritual beliefs, upbringing, physical features, personalities, and even style of life, didn’t match at all with the rest of people around me.
In the midst of it all, I have met with God’s presence many times, and He is the solution, not what he has to say, because sometimes, he says nothing, but it is just his presence that heals me. In his presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11), and he is also the meaning of love (1 John 4:8;18).
If you still struggle understanding that you were created for God, and that in him and through him you can find healing, please feel free to visit my youtube teaching on “I exit for God:”